Are you confident in your ability to manage conflict?
You may be surprised to learn that assertive communication is essential for managing conflict. This skillset is particularly important when a conflict involves a very strong (or even aggressive) personality.
Assertive Communication
Assertiveness—not to be confused with aggressiveness—is based on healthy self-esteem and respect for everyone’s rights. Assertiveness requires the courage and commitment to speak up and ask for what you want or need, with the understanding that you might not get exactly what you want. The ability to be assertive—even with your manager or senior leaders—will give you the confidence to ask for what you need in any situation. You will be able to stand up for yourself because you know that you deserve to be treated fairly.
Aggressive Communication
By contrast, aggressiveness comes from a belief that you need to control others to get what you want or need. If you are an aggressive communicator, you may get what you want in the short term, but ultimately experience undesirable consequences such as resentment, retaliation, and turnover.
Passive Communication
Some people are so fearful of being seen as aggressive, that they become passive communicators. While passive communicators appear nice and accommodating, underneath they may be feeling resentful, manipulated, or intimidated. Passive communication can undermine your credibility and—at its worst—lead others to see you as a “doormat.” Interested learning in how to go from passive (or aggressive) to assertive? Assertiveness can boost self-confidence and create win-win situations that leave both parties feeling good—even if they didn’t get exactly what wanted. While assertiveness requires courage and determination, it is a skill that can be practiced and mastered following the strategies below.
7 Strategies for Assertive Communication
- Script it. If you need to say something but aren’t sure how to say it without making things worse, try scripting your remarks. Practice them with a friend or family member, just as if you were rehearsing the lines in a play. (The other person can play devil’s advocate.)
- Create breathing room. If you often agree to requests in the moment and later regret it, try preparing a standard response that you can use for any request. For example, “Let me think about it/check on it and I’ll get back to you,” gives you breathing room to come up with an appropriately assertive response.
- Practice offering your opinion. If you are afraid of conflict or confrontation, practice saying, “I have a somewhat different opinion. I believe that …” You can use this phrase even when there’s no conflict, because the more you say it, the more comfortable you’ll be using it in more difficult situations.
- Use “I” statements like:
- “I’d prefer that you…”
- “I would like to…”
- “I liked it when you said/did…”
- “I’ve decided not to…”
- Use simple statements that clearly express your position or question.
- “Would you…?”
- “I see we have different opinions. Let’s try and come to an agreement.”
- Use one of these “Thanks, but…” statements:
- “I’m going to pass.”
- “That doesn’t work for me right now.”
- “No thanks.”
- Invest in training or coaching. A variety of training and coaching options are available for assertive communication and conflict management. If you are interested in training for your team, check out our Conflict to Collaboration or Make Your Voice Heard programs at the links provided.
Learning assertive communication skills will enhance your confidence, leadership ability, and promotability!